note: Re-Up! Tryna get some new readers while appeasing the old ones with a throwback joint that people appreciated. Ha.

you know exactly who that girl above is. sure, you don’t know her by name or anything like that. but you know the role she plays. she’s one of the two dimes in the subway ride home. like, cheat-on-your-girl, must-have dimes. i’m talking like spend-your-entire-paycheck-on-a-date type dime. it may sound intense, but i’m just being real. i’m a man, so i know how men think. even if they aren’t all that, you gotta show them some love, because they’re just right there on the train, posted like a mailbox. and they are dying to get hit on. or so you think.

some people have the balls to approach these girls. i call them the hero. gutsy, risk-taking dudes. they have pick-up lines for days, and they can start conversations anywhere, anytime. they don’t even care if the woman has worked 10 crazy hours in the office, because they know that they can make it all better. they believe they can fly, like jordan, or a pre-pee-on-you kelz. i just can’t fade it. i feel like the last thing they want is me tryna put that metaphorical bug in their ear, spitting game on the train. and i think that’s what qualifies me as a certified shy guy.

tabi‘s fly, but i’m shy.

what is a shy guy!? i haven’t even come up with the true definition yet. i just know how they act. shy guys only thrive in environments where there’s little or no pressure. like house parties where you know everybody. or like a school dance, because everybody you dance with, you sat behind in math class or their mom used to pick you up from the carpool line from school. or you took the bus one and a half hours with them every day. like me. or maybe i’m totally wrong, but you know what i mean. no pressure environments, you thrive. because you don’t have to commit to anything, or be too decisive.

the subway definitely isn’t that spot. too many unfamiliar faces. if you want anything to happen on the subway, you’ve gotta put yourself out there like max did in a goofy movie. and if you don’t know what i’m talking about, then that should be number one on the netflix queue. conversation is one thing, but conversation with one of those two dimes on the train is a completely different thing. and that’s why shy guys typically don’t do good work on the subway. the club is even worse, and i need a completely different entry devoted to that sometime in the future.

i feel like all shy guys eventually transition into the hero. it happens, but there’s a right time and place, and all that good stuff. karma, or something like that. i tried it one day. NYC. subway. last year. she was bad, too. like michael’s 3rd album, for real. dominican and black, i think. kinda like homegirl in the picture, sans the turtle neck. in fact, she was extra fly. dressed like she just came from brunch with jay and beyonce. i hit her with my camera while it was dangling from my wrist, and she just smiled. and then i worked magic.

her number is still in the phone book. 917…blah blah blah. and i fumbled it. she just never got the crucial call/text, and i don’t even know why. who knows. that’s probably why i don’t sport the cape and mask just yet. but i’m ok with that. besides, i got like a million and one things going on in my life, like that old juvenile song. but a girl ain’t nothin.

sike.

note: the re-up is because i’m putting this in the hall of fame posts. it’s too crucial and important not to be there. everybody can relate.

you know exactly what e-game is. it’s the facebook message to that boy whose in your econometrics lecture and you’ve been dying to meet. it’s that blackberry message you send to the girl you’re kinda talking to right after she leaves your room that reads: “i really wish you woulda stayed here tonite… ” it’s that shameful mass instant message you (simultaneously) send to all your crushes when you’re intoxicated. good lord! say what you wanna say, but i’ve come to the conclusion that everybody is a lot of people are about e-game.

please, press play.

e-game is the preferred method of flirtation communication because technology took over the world a few years decades ago. and frankly, we’re just busy as $#!t to get too personal with people these days. especially us college kids. i got feature writing assignments to do, entourage to watch, n64 to play, weights to try and lift, salmon to eat, and global power moves to make, etc. it’s not really convenient to invest too much time in communicating with anybody if it’s not through text, IM, etc. and that’s the truth.

i’ve broken down the positive and negative aspects of e-game down for you below. read on.

pros

- it’s like ’08′s version of the phone call. except more digital, kinda. and you can’t talk to 5 people at once on the phone (unless you want a five person conference call). with e-game, you can. with ease.

- you can multi-task extremely well. when your phone vibrates or your IM box flashes, it means someone cares enough about you to hit you up. and you can do this while doing virtually anything. dropping bills on some heels in the streets of georgetown, whispering sweet nothings into the ear of this long-hair-don’t-care PYT in the corner of the party, or (if you’re really grimy) while you’re in the bed with somebody else. yeah, i just went there. but i’m being real. at least you’re showing some love, right?

- you can be pretty darn bold. too shy to say stuff in person? dag, homie. sounds like a personal problem to me. but really, you can say some things that you may not be able to say in person via e-game. sounds lame, but it isn’t. but be careful! this can work against you. i’ll explain later.

- time lapses. you ever get asked a question in real life, and answer way too fast without thinking in depth about it?! with e-game, you can post up for a second and break it down, allowing enough time to do research (google, wikipedia, social networking profile stalking, etc.) to say exactly what you want to say. also, you can appear much more calm and collected via e-game. take your time answering somebody! go do a few pushups, or run to the dining hall before you respond. it illustrates your nonchalant attitude towards the situation, even if he/she has your heart beating in triple time. deceiving? probably. illegal? not a chance.

cons

- social awkwardness. you can be vicious with the words behind that smart phone or that computer screen (sup guys.) but you could be a lame in real life. wowzers. establish yourself as a healthy, sane human being early. meaning, try to balance traditional, face-to-face communication with the e-game. shoot, it’s 2008…skype them or hit ‘em with that video chat if need be. at least you’re making an honest effort.

- you can’t gauge emotion accurately. at all! all we got is smileys, a few phrases (“lol” is all i have in my arsenal), and caps lock. besides that, there’s not much more one can do to express themselves. so when someone says something via e-game, you don’t know exaaactly how they meant it. was it a joke? a diss? a flirtatious gesture? a warning shot!? YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW!

- you can be pretty darn bold. told you i’d come back to this one. if you’re too bold, you can get rocked. what do i mean!? well, don’t try and be slick and pull a romeo-esque line, cuz homegirl is gonna tell her homegirls, and they’ll secretly laugh at you behind your back whenever you walk by. you think you wooed her with that text, when in reality it was weaksauce. oh, and don’t use that camera phone too…liberally. remember what happened to neyo!? yeah, you better click that link if you don’t know. not for work safe, either. i’m tryna tell you, the walls have ears, eyes, and a meaaan set of fangs. you will get rocked like that the two in the picture you just checked out a few seconds ago.

- your e-persona doesn’t match your real life. before you decide to take on a life of e-game, make sure you are as cool in real life as your e-persona. you don’t wanna be that guy/gal who has great convos via text or IM, but when you actually go out to dinner with that person, you can’t even look them in the face or say the same jokes you used to use when spitting that e-game! and likewise, those getting spat e-game: watch out for these goons/goonettes! they’re ruining the reputation for those who are great e-gamers. don’t be all about business on the text and then get cold feet in person! it can make or break things.

that’s really all i can think of right about now. any more pros and cons? any falsehoods lurking in the text of this entry? agree? disagree!? talk to me, man.

re-up, i got writer’s block, hopefully seeing this up will give me the ability to write more articles like this. this is what i want the site to consist of, not just music. enjoy, it’s a throwback from last year.

press play to set the mood for this post. otherwise, it won’t be nearly as great.

there’s things that are innate, and there are things that are learned. hollering at a girl is a learned trait as far as i can tell. who knows where you pick it up. now, when i say hollering, i don’t mean facebook/myspace pimping. i mean finding her out and about in georgetown or on newbury street, giving her the crucial eye, or the smile, and going in for the kill. sometimes you get it, and sometimes you miss. sometimes you’re almost there, and you fumble it. allow me to illustrate the perfect metaphor. don’t even try and skip it. you need to see the clip.

good god! girls can be like that rabbit sometimes: evasive and elusive. some dudes have persistence, and some don’t care what happens in the end. they can deal with that rejection. they’ll find another rabbit chillin in another field. ain’t no biggie. shy guys can’t fade that. we don’t have time to be carried like the food you get from a carryout. shy guys are conservative for the most part, because those embarrassing moments are can bring that ego down to about a -2 on the 1-10 scale. no way josé.

do you think we want to be like this!? hell nah! we want to be able to sweet talk ladies like cory did topanga. and we can. we just didn’t develop that game in our younger days. or maybe we had it, but lost our touch when people got real sexy after puberty. whatever. my point is, unless you’re extra bold and can switch your style as dramatically as a bisexual, the chances of the skill of hollering won’t develop like one would like.

but like like wayne said on this song, where there’s a will, there’s a way. if you want to, you can do it with a crucial short cut. just like how baseball players have their steroids and hgh to hit barry bonds-esque homers, shy guys have liquor courage to spit vicious game. venomous. oh boy!

liquor courage, a phrased recently coined by my dude whose identity will be concealed for security purposes, is when you take a few drinks to the head, and then you hit the streets on a mean, mean mission to find the baddest joint out there. scenario: the club. you know every breezy in the joint is looking gorgeous. regardless of whether its natural beauty or just the make up, you want to talk to one of them! and yet, you’re frozen. shiiit. the power move!? the bar. or the pre-game. whichever floats your boat. the latter is typically cheaper, and more powerful. after that, you feel like superman, and anything you want can come out your mouth, with absolutely no remorse. college students, i know you feel me. as i am legally of age to drink alcohol, i can safely say that on those nights where i just may be twisted like some dreadlocks, i’ve done some great work. i’ll leave it at that. a wise man once told me, people love confident people. that drank will have you damn near cocky. even you’ll be surprised at the marvelous things you’ll be saying to your newfound lady friend. keep it under control, because liquor courage has a sweet spot. i know i’m in it when my vision is looking similar to this:

yessir. the sweet spot. a little blurry, but you still know what she looks like. once you exceed that, though, you could make the horrible mistake of hollering at a girl that looks like the main character from hell boy. or (arguably) worse, you could wake up like this guy:

not to scare you or anything. that’s just what it is. let me know if you can co-sign this liquor courage.

previously, in the shy guy chronicles:

shy guy vs. dime on the subway

can i set the stage real quick with some throwback pharcyde please?

thank you. so you’ve done great work. that liquor courage did the job, helping you grow you the balls that you needed to ask that extra fly girl who looks similar to the dark-skinned beauty in that frontin’ music video for her number. “let’s kick it sometime soon,” you say with a smile. she’s with it. and you feel like rocky did when he smacked fire outta apollo creed for the first time. congratulations. you’ve just booked a beautiful woman. all you need is a trip to the carry out to make the night a complete success.

fast forward about a month or so. where’s the beautiful dark-skinned beauty!? nowhere to be found…not in the incoming/outgoing calls, not in the text inbox…oh boy. did you just get played? most likely, nah man. but why, then?

i don’t mean to stretch any more sports metaphors further than they should be. but if the shy guy was a football player, his nickname may just be “butterfingers.” at first glance, it appears as though he can’t hold the rock when the pressure’s on. but is it as simple as that? or is there more to it?

i invite everybody to let me know why the fumble occurs. what steps didn’t homeboy follow? and does this situation also happen vice versa? it shouldn’t be a secret, and some of us out here wanna know. hit that comment section and spread the good word.

what’s that song that goes ‘sex me sex me sex me, follow me follow me follow me,’ and it’s like a woman singing on the track?

that was the mass text i sent out at like 6 AM to everybody who i knew was either up, or is always on their music $#!t. i needed to know the name to this classic, and all i had was lyrics.

my man chuka out of dirty jersey was probably furious that i woke him up, but he hooked me up with the title track. to my pleasant surprise, it’s called “shy guy,” and it’s by diana king. is she still relevant? who knows. but i got the video for you, and you’ll remember this classic.

i need the mp3, though. somebody cise me, ASAP.

editor’s note: i got an e-mail from a concerned loyal reader, so i figured i’d post it. i like this fan mail stuff. even if it is from one of my homies.

young sir,

didn’t wanna correct you on the blog but as one of my favorite posts you’ve done so far, i had to point out a couple flaws….

Shy Guy and Liquor Courage

1. i don’t know who lied to you, but your homeboy didn’t come up w/ the phrase. it’s an old phrase…one that i learned well on my 21st birthday that i celebrated w/ my dad, uncle, god-father and a few other OGs. haha The real phrase is liquid courage. I guess he just put his little twist on it and called it his own….plagiarism none the less. yzr

2. i couldn’t let you go out on the brokeback tip. pls correct this sentence:

do you think we want to be like this!? hell nah! we want to be able to sweet talk dudes like cory did topanga

we don’t wanna be able to sweet talk dudes. i only point it out b/c i have an unpaid part-time job of promoting the blog. and two of my homegirls read that one as their first post and started askin questions. hahaha

keep it pimpin.

- devin