note: it’s the week of the re-up. new readers love it, old readers loathe it, and i’m just tryna get my blog respect back. i put this in “hall of fame post” categories, and i’m looking for more to add to this section. let’s get it.

shy guys typically have visions of grandeur, but most times things just don’t work out in the end. keep living vicariously through those music videos, like this one.

that’s what the shy guy wants the club to be like. in reality, the club will never look like that unless you make 6 figures or higher, or are cool with the promoters. and even in those circumstances, you need to find some video vixens to sprinkle around the place, just to be safe.

truth be told, the typical shy guy will always be outside of his element at the club. it’s not terrain they feel comfy in, and there’s little they can do to change this. apart from spending precious time to differentiate himself with the proper outfit, as well as spend some paper on the crucial shape up, just getting into the venue is in itself intimidating. the thing is, it doesn’t matter if a shy guy tries to pump himself up for the occasion, jamming the ultimate party playlist and sipping on that liquid courage. once he drops $20, steps through the metal detector, and has security give him a roughhousing that is more commonly known as the “pat down,” he freezes up.

why!? i’ll tell you why. because there’s way too much stuff going on in there. just look at that picture. it’s chaos in an enclosed space. everybody looks like they’re doing something different. you have the ballers, t-paining the megan good look-alikes with patron shots all night. there’s also that clique of fine dimes that will never stop dancing in their private circles with each other. you know it’s possible for even the lamest guy to leave the club with some digits, a name, a dance, something! so you and your homies focus, and work on getting yours for the night.

it’s a jungle out there. similar to vietnam during the war, almost. it’s too loud and packed for you to concentrate, let alone rap to the cute, dark-skinned beauty in the corner. but you try your luck anyway, and make your way through the crowd, spilling your long island iced tea on like 7 angry broads while in transit. when you get there, it doesn’t work out like how you envisioned it in your mind. somehow, she confuses your harmless “hey, what’s going on?” with a creepy “i wanna see your thong,” and storms away ferociously, but not without cursing you out in front of everybody.

now what!? you’re a little shook. you lost all desire to go approach that chick with the frizzy fro because you know something similar could happen. and besides, you’ve seen dudes getting iced all night! i mean, how about that awful glance that they throw a guy while dancing with them, to make sure they’re cute enough! nobody wants to go through that, that’s horrible. it’s even worse when her friends make that call for her, and you don’t even realize what just happened until they’ve migrated away and you’re sitting there like a sucker in the middle of the dance floor while the song is still playing. goodness.

by the time you’ve devised your next plan of action, the lights are on, and you’ve made virtually no moves the whole night. my advise? stick to the house party. people are more friendly there. plus, nobody will ever misinterpret your words, either.

Clearly, that’s me. not in 5th grade though. More like when i was a toddler. but that’s not the point.

The point is, puppy love is something serious. Around valentine’s day, I got an email from an old friend. Her name? Christina Vittas. She was my first official girlfriend from back in 5th grade, and the e-mail was titled “5th grade love letters”. I already knew what was inside.

First thing’s first. Jam this while you read.

I need everybody to realize Tina was baaad. I was doing pretty big things with this fine young lady as my girl. I know this was 5th grade, but she was the baddest chick in the middle school. If anybody went to Sidwell for middle school (shout out to my Quaker school bredren across the globe), or matter fact, if you ever went to Sidwell, you knew how beautiful this girl was. This was before the secondary sex characteristics developed; a female’s body wasn’t even an afterthought for me, so her skinny self was perfect for me. Half korean, half greek. A smile that perfect, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear Crest and Colgate fighting over her for their latest ad campaign. Could solve some of the hardest math problems in her sleep. Very quiet and unassuming, but that was okay back then. I was a goofy looking kid (and arguably, still am), but I was funny enough to still get girls to engage in conversation and laugh a little bit. I don’t really remember how I pulled it off, but one day, after some recess and some note passing and whispering, I walked out of the building with tina as my boo slice.

Do you know how happy it was? I felt like Lupe Fiasco after he got the girl. I felt like NBC4 just reported a third straight consecutive snow day on Friday, and an unexpected 5-day weekend was created. I felt like a young Michael Jordan after winning his first championship, tears fist pumps and all. My problem was, I was the ultimate shy guy. You know how you can talk to people normally, but when it’s your crush that you have to speak to, you get as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!? Well, that’s how it was with me when I got around tina. Remember, this relationship was probably solidified over a few saltine crackers and a quick “do you like me?” poll scribbled on some notebook paper before break time. At this point, face-to-face time was almost scary. I preferred everything but that. So what did I do? Wrote tina some crucial love letters. 12 years later, and she still had these! She typed them up and threw them my way. Let’s read these joints, shall we? I’ll warn you now – these are copied verbatim, and I’ve done no altering to the letters themselves.

LOVE LETTER #1:

Dear Tina,
Waz’ up?  I just finished my piano lesson and I decided to write again.  So… I can’t do the movie thing this Friday, but maybe on the weekend.  Ask Genevieve and Daisy if they can come.  I’ll ask Andy and Andrew.  Do you think Ariana can come?  If she can go let me know.  Andy and I can do it on Saturday, but it has to be before 515-30, because we have a basketball game at 645 and we’ve got to get there early.  I want to know if we are going to sit next to the person we like.  Tell me tomorrow, okay?  Also, Andrew Wallace is daring me to ask you if you wanna go out alone.  I’m taking the dare, but I will only do it if you want to. I wanna know are you going to Genevieve’s party?  I am.  Do you know what we are going to do there?  Well, there’s nothing else to talk about so I guess I’ll talk to you later.  Well, see ya!
Sincerely,
Modi

Damn. I was a young Cassanova. A little nerdy, and super sprung, but that was okay. Besides, do you see how considerate I was? Only taking the dare if she was ready for it. You gotta admit, although my writing style wasn’t the smoothest, I was trying. And trying damn hard.

LOVE LETTER #2 (BIRTHDAY CARD, COMPLETE W/ AWESOME PICTURES):

front:
Dear Tina,
Since I’m not gonna be here for your real birthday, I decided to give you half of your birthday present.  I have more stuff to get for you, though.  So be prepared!  Here is your card, along with this gift certificate!  I hope you like it!

middle:
I’ll give you the other part of the present sometime.  Maybe we could go to the mall together.  Write me a letter back.  Please?  With 500,909,333 cherries on top?  Okay, see ya!
Modi
P.S. If you wanna know where I’m going, I’m going to Antigua.  It’s in the Caribbean.

back: (and TINA’s personal favorite, as noted in her e-mail):
Created just for you (and I mean JUST for you) by your boyfriend, Modele

Tina says: The gift certificate that accompanied Letter #2 has pictures from the computer of cartoon-ish dogs and then in the top center there is a heart and on each side of the heart there is a dog holding the number 10 (I guess it was my 10th birthday).  Then the certificate says:
A certificate for a “date” at Montgomery Mall with Modele, valid for the rest of 1998!  Can be used anytime!
(and then your signature at the bottom)

Please, hold your applause. I’d like to change my name to Rico Suave. I was so damn creative. How many 5th grades were so determined to make their girl happy, making birthday cards on the computer at age 10!? You bammas weren’t even on the internet around then. I was ahead of the curve.

LOVE LETTER #3 (VALENTINE’S DAY CARD THAT I MADE ON MY COMPUTER):

front: (where there is a picture of a guy with his arms spread wide open):
Tina, I know it’s not V-day yet, but I still have a card.  Why do I love (or should I say like) you?

middle:
I guess I just have a lot of patience and a good sense of humor.  Oh, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t draw this, it’s because I can’t draw well all the time.
Happy almost Valentine’s Day!

Such honesty at age 10? Stunning. Admitting their flaws like lack of artistic creativity so effortlessly? I was giving the girl love before Love Day even came around yet.

Funny thing is, a week after that, Tina broke up with me. I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt some ill vibes coming from her and her crew. Only way I knew how to deal with that was to chase her and her best friend, Haley, all the way down the stairs from the classrooms until we spilled out by the basketball courts. I was fast, and they didn’t want me to catch them, because I was a rough kid on the playground. Who knows what would have happened. Haley finally turned around, her chubby self huffing and puffing, out of breath. “Modi, she doesn’t like you anymore!” she screamed, with an evil, twisted grin on her face. “Don’t you get it?” It probably made her day saying that nine word combination. “Shucks,” I thought. All that time and effort into ol’ girl, and she had to get her henchwoman to shake me off!? I sulked all the way to the car, holding back tears.

Tina was the third girl I had ever really liked in my life. After reading these letters I wrote, it’s apparent that I would have given her the world if she wanted it. I guess she didn’t want it.

]]> http://DCtoBC.com/2010/02/5th-grade-love-letters/feed/ 64 http://DCtoBC.com/2010/02/shy-guy-vs-dime-on-the-subway/ http://DCtoBC.com/2010/02/shy-guy-vs-dime-on-the-subway/#comments Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:40:08 +0000 modi http://www.dctobc.com/?p=64

note: Re-Up! Tryna get some new readers while appeasing the old ones with a throwback joint that people appreciated. Ha.

you know exactly who that girl above is. sure, you don’t know her by name or anything like that. but you know the role she plays. she’s one of the two dimes in the subway ride home. like, cheat-on-your-girl, must-have dimes. i’m talking like spend-your-entire-paycheck-on-a-date type dime. it may sound intense, but i’m just being real. i’m a man, so i know how men think. even if they aren’t all that, you gotta show them some love, because they’re just right there on the train, posted like a mailbox. and they are dying to get hit on. or so you think.

some people have the balls to approach these girls. i call them the hero. gutsy, risk-taking dudes. they have pick-up lines for days, and they can start conversations anywhere, anytime. they don’t even care if the woman has worked 10 crazy hours in the office, because they know that they can make it all better. they believe they can fly, like jordan, or a pre-pee-on-you kelz. i just can’t fade it. i feel like the last thing they want is me tryna put that metaphorical bug in their ear, spitting game on the train. and i think that’s what qualifies me as a certified shy guy.

tabi‘s fly, but i’m shy.

what is a shy guy!? i haven’t even come up with the true definition yet. i just know how they act. shy guys only thrive in environments where there’s little or no pressure. like house parties where you know everybody. or like a school dance, because everybody you dance with, you sat behind in math class or their mom used to pick you up from the carpool line from school. or you took the bus one and a half hours with them every day. like me. or maybe i’m totally wrong, but you know what i mean. no pressure environments, you thrive. because you don’t have to commit to anything, or be too decisive.

the subway definitely isn’t that spot. too many unfamiliar faces. if you want anything to happen on the subway, you’ve gotta put yourself out there like max did in a goofy movie. and if you don’t know what i’m talking about, then that should be number one on the netflix queue. conversation is one thing, but conversation with one of those two dimes on the train is a completely different thing. and that’s why shy guys typically don’t do good work on the subway. the club is even worse, and i need a completely different entry devoted to that sometime in the future.

i feel like all shy guys eventually transition into the hero. it happens, but there’s a right time and place, and all that good stuff. karma, or something like that. i tried it one day. NYC. subway. last year. she was bad, too. like michael’s 3rd album, for real. dominican and black, i think. kinda like homegirl in the picture, sans the turtle neck. in fact, she was extra fly. dressed like she just came from brunch with jay and beyonce. i hit her with my camera while it was dangling from my wrist, and she just smiled. and then i worked magic.

her number is still in the phone book. 917…blah blah blah. and i fumbled it. she just never got the crucial call/text, and i don’t even know why. who knows. that’s probably why i don’t sport the cape and mask just yet. but i’m ok with that. besides, i got like a million and one things going on in my life, like that old juvenile song. but a girl ain’t nothin.

sike.

Let’s keep it real. I don’t care who you are – jock, nerd, heart throb, class clown, recluse, homebody, mama’s boy, cool kid, shy guy – everybody who is anybody has a roster, girls and guys alike.

You know what i mean. a roster, a team, a squad. It’s far from that list of names in your favorite sports franchise’s brochure at the game; rather, it’s a term that my friends and i developed (no arguments here. we are, in fact, the originators of the term. If you believe otherwise and you’re looking for co-signers, you’re on the wrong blog. Go lobby for supporters somewhere else, because you’re S.O.L. on my turf.), and this is the perfect time to reveal the intricacies and inner workings of such an elaborate system.

JAM THAT SONG while you read. it’s smooth.

What’s a roster?

A person’s roster is a group of individuals, occasionally referred to as prospects, which share some type attraction with that person. The level of attraction can range anywhere from booty call jumpoffs to certified wifey material, and every notch between. Rosters have proven to be advantageous to and preferred by many because of their ability to always provide options. Wanna hit that movie at the Uptown, but have no one to see it with? Check the roster. Starving, but don’t feel like eating by yourself? Check that roster. Need to “wow” your friends with your ability to bring yet another dime to one of those house parties on 16th street? Check that damn roster. Bladaow. That’s what it’s for, baby.

Rosters have, until recently, been under harsh scrutiny for their contribution to ruining relationships and ideal situations. Fortunately, I have developed a few pointers to limit problems as well as lessen the collateral damage done by these rosters. Follow these guidelines closely before and during your team’s draft.

1.    Never add friend’s siblings, roommates, close friends, or any other type of special relationship to the roster. It has disaster written all over it. TRUST ME.

2.    Stay away from similar networks. In a world of Facebook, Twitter, text messages, and encouraged networking, one tagged picture or retweeted message seen by the wrong set of eyes could bring your all-star roster’s playoff run to a screeching halt faster than you can say “oh let’s doooo it”.

3.    Keep your $#!t tight. Nobody wants to know they’re one of a few, or worse, one of many. Even if they do know, they never want to hear it from your mouth. Work on the “don’t ask, don’t tell” communication method, and things should be smooth sailing.

4.    Unless you can afford it, leave the high maintenance players to the big dogs. i’m talking about like Tom Cruise or Will Smith. let those guys wine and dine them. Chances are, you don’t really want the ones who require all that. Work and live within your means. You don’t wanna hit her with flowers one day and then struggle to pay the bill at P.F. Changs the next.

5.    Trading players and other negotiations are tolerable, but sweet talking them to switch sides isn’t. If you think you can better your chances at winning the title with a player on another team, work out a deal. Don’t try and scoop them on the low, because karma is will rock you. (this essentially reads, “be cautious when adding somebody new to the roster, and know what you’re dealing with and getting yourself into.”)

Now that you know the cardinal rules of rosters, let me highlight a few things.

Championship Bottles.

The goals associated with these rosters vary. the two most popular:

1.    To eventually find the one person you actually care about

2.    To build a monster team during your prime so that when you become older, you can look back and say “damn. i was doing great work with that squad.”

Either way, you are looking to win, and that takes MVP-caliber talent. so find that, ASAP.

Size Doesn’t Matter.

The depth of one’s roster means nothing. instead, it depends on the preference of the creator of the squad. Some may enjoy being able to cycle through girls like they do outfits, and perhaps not see the same girl for weeks, even months. Their benchwarmers are frequently rotated in, and therefore the utmost energy can be exerted on each and every chill session with one of these team players. Others keep a close-knit circle of durable, solid starters, very rarely tapping into their injured reserves unless absolutely necessary. whatever strategy floats your boat.

Always Recruit.

Hold open gyms, invite players to individual workouts, and throw them in some light scrimmages. See how they work, and you just might be surprised with their compatibility with the team. Don’t just look for all-stars. you may need a veteran or a role player on the squad. Or maybe you need reinforcements on the bench in case things get tough. And don’t get me started on relocation! That’s the number one roster killer for many. Some strive to be like Ludacris and lock down as many different area codes / time zones as you can. Like I said, you never know what the future holds.

Maintain Relationships.

Always communicate with your players. Let them know that you haven’t forgot about them, even if it’s as simple as a text, call, a quick visit or a wall post. That way, they can’t really get upset about their playing time.

Don’t Be Mad.

You can never be too blown when you suspect you may be on somebody’s roster. After all, rosters aren’t permanent or set in stone, and in many situations, they are more of a safety net for those too insecure or unsure of a future with a given guy or girl. So really, the chances of you being on some type of roster are relatively high. Just make sure you’re aware of this before you start making long distance, surprise trips to see them and they aren’t picking up phone calls.

The next time you see someone spitting game your way, try and figure where they fit in on your depth chart. You may just end up creating the most crucial squad of all time, and everybody will be jumping for joy when you bring home the title.

The reason I decided to stretch this metaphor to obnoxious lengths was to get a point across. It’s a new year. 2010. This is the chance to start fresh, and to decide what you really want. Are you about all the eggs in one basket? You know if that basket drops, you have nothing to make that omelette you love so much with, right? Yeah, exactly. It’s harder than you thought. And truth be told, honesty is the best policy. It may hurt, but at least you can’t say they didn’t keep it 100.

Let me know how you feel in the comments section.

UPDATE: this is a throwback post, only to entertain in the downtime. and since i wrote this, i broke my rule on 7.18.09, when i went to station 9 and was leaning so hard that a clever girl with a great eye for a drunk guy got me. oh well. she was just at the right place at the right time. at least she was kinda cool.

i enjoyed my first weekend as (somewhat of) a college graduate recently, and i won’t lie – it’s more powerful than the typical college dorm get together. not to say that it’s better or anything; the two environments have completely different dynamics. at the college house party, you can have some b-ball shorts and one of these russian hats on and do better work than the guy who went to barney’s co-op and bought a whole outfit as long as you are smooth and keep people entertained. this “going out” stuff however, things aren’t as casual. you have to come presentable! if you’ll check the picture above, i’m the underdressed chump in the middle. if i didn’t have my man melvin (he’s in the all black. no games. promotes hard. let’s get it.) get me in for the freeskee, i’d be outside assed out with the promoters that hand out the flyers. pay close attention to the picture. i will refer to it again shortly.

friday i went to this afro beat event hosted by the lovely ladies behind lunch box theory (pics are here so you can get a nice visual…i think i’m in one.) and it was marvelous. i’m talking more east african nubian princesses than east africa itself. a very diverse crowd of people who came to have a good time and enjoy the eclectic sounds of DJ undadog and his african drummers rather than to stunt like the typical club/lounge situation. i think it was the best party i’ve been to in a while, and i thank everybody involved for that epic night.

saturday was also powerful in its own way. the picture you see above, with all smiles, is from an outing at a spot called republic. more for OG’s, me and my man spencer (checkered shirt, left-hand side. @drspaceman for you twitter fiends) somehow finagled our way in there without paying that $20 hit to the wallet. the hardest part about going out is the money for the alcohol. now, melvin and my homie daniel (aka @yebies for you twitter fiends) hooked us up with the majority of our drinks, but i did make it to the bar once to purchase my own concoction for me and spence. as i was ordering my drink, i heard some chit chatter to my left. as i turn, i discover it is the young woman pictured above. she’s talking about “…why don’t you add a jack and coke to that tab…” and tries to smile at me.

WHAT!?

chamillionaire once taught me, “if a skeezer, wants me to feed her, with my visa, then i’ma leave her.” now, she wasn’t a skeezer. that just sounds so god-awful. but how come when i was posted up like a stamp earlier she weren’t talkin about anything!? only when i hit the bar was she trying to milk me like a cow’s teats for some free drank. no way, josé. i don’t get it. i didn’t say anything crazy. instead, i pretended i didn’t hear what she said. “what was that?” she smirked and gave me one of those “nevermind” looks, visibly agitated. a few minutes later, she hopped in this picture with us.

what was my point behind writing this? that i will never ever purchase a drink for anybody i don’t know. it’s not my place. i know i’ll feel like if i buy them a drink, i deserve something in return. who knows what, and who knows why i feel like that. it’s only right if you purchase something, you get a product! conversation shouldn’t be purchased, should it!? but i know people who feel like buying drinks ain’t $#!t. that’s just how they get the night started. to each their own.

i want to know how guys and gals feel about drinks at the bar. hit the comment section and let me know.

note: the re-up is because i’m putting this in the hall of fame posts. it’s too crucial and important not to be there. everybody can relate.

you know exactly what e-game is. it’s the facebook message to that boy whose in your econometrics lecture and you’ve been dying to meet. it’s that blackberry message you send to the girl you’re kinda talking to right after she leaves your room that reads: “i really wish you woulda stayed here tonite… ” it’s that shameful mass instant message you (simultaneously) send to all your crushes when you’re intoxicated. good lord! say what you wanna say, but i’ve come to the conclusion that everybody is a lot of people are about e-game.

please, press play.

e-game is the preferred method of flirtation communication because technology took over the world a few years decades ago. and frankly, we’re just busy as $#!t to get too personal with people these days. especially us college kids. i got feature writing assignments to do, entourage to watch, n64 to play, weights to try and lift, salmon to eat, and global power moves to make, etc. it’s not really convenient to invest too much time in communicating with anybody if it’s not through text, IM, etc. and that’s the truth.

i’ve broken down the positive and negative aspects of e-game down for you below. read on.

pros

- it’s like ’08′s version of the phone call. except more digital, kinda. and you can’t talk to 5 people at once on the phone (unless you want a five person conference call). with e-game, you can. with ease.

- you can multi-task extremely well. when your phone vibrates or your IM box flashes, it means someone cares enough about you to hit you up. and you can do this while doing virtually anything. dropping bills on some heels in the streets of georgetown, whispering sweet nothings into the ear of this long-hair-don’t-care PYT in the corner of the party, or (if you’re really grimy) while you’re in the bed with somebody else. yeah, i just went there. but i’m being real. at least you’re showing some love, right?

- you can be pretty darn bold. too shy to say stuff in person? dag, homie. sounds like a personal problem to me. but really, you can say some things that you may not be able to say in person via e-game. sounds lame, but it isn’t. but be careful! this can work against you. i’ll explain later.

- time lapses. you ever get asked a question in real life, and answer way too fast without thinking in depth about it?! with e-game, you can post up for a second and break it down, allowing enough time to do research (google, wikipedia, social networking profile stalking, etc.) to say exactly what you want to say. also, you can appear much more calm and collected via e-game. take your time answering somebody! go do a few pushups, or run to the dining hall before you respond. it illustrates your nonchalant attitude towards the situation, even if he/she has your heart beating in triple time. deceiving? probably. illegal? not a chance.

cons

- social awkwardness. you can be vicious with the words behind that smart phone or that computer screen (sup guys.) but you could be a lame in real life. wowzers. establish yourself as a healthy, sane human being early. meaning, try to balance traditional, face-to-face communication with the e-game. shoot, it’s 2008…skype them or hit ‘em with that video chat if need be. at least you’re making an honest effort.

- you can’t gauge emotion accurately. at all! all we got is smileys, a few phrases (“lol” is all i have in my arsenal), and caps lock. besides that, there’s not much more one can do to express themselves. so when someone says something via e-game, you don’t know exaaactly how they meant it. was it a joke? a diss? a flirtatious gesture? a warning shot!? YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW!

- you can be pretty darn bold. told you i’d come back to this one. if you’re too bold, you can get rocked. what do i mean!? well, don’t try and be slick and pull a romeo-esque line, cuz homegirl is gonna tell her homegirls, and they’ll secretly laugh at you behind your back whenever you walk by. you think you wooed her with that text, when in reality it was weaksauce. oh, and don’t use that camera phone too…liberally. remember what happened to neyo!? yeah, you better click that link if you don’t know. not for work safe, either. i’m tryna tell you, the walls have ears, eyes, and a meaaan set of fangs. you will get rocked like that the two in the picture you just checked out a few seconds ago.

- your e-persona doesn’t match your real life. before you decide to take on a life of e-game, make sure you are as cool in real life as your e-persona. you don’t wanna be that guy/gal who has great convos via text or IM, but when you actually go out to dinner with that person, you can’t even look them in the face or say the same jokes you used to use when spitting that e-game! and likewise, those getting spat e-game: watch out for these goons/goonettes! they’re ruining the reputation for those who are great e-gamers. don’t be all about business on the text and then get cold feet in person! it can make or break things.

that’s really all i can think of right about now. any more pros and cons? any falsehoods lurking in the text of this entry? agree? disagree!? talk to me, man.