Yeah, I said turducken. Turkey, duck, and chicken, combined into a frankenstein-esque meat that apparently people chow down on during special occasions, such as Thanksgiving and other momentous events and cheerful holidays. Americans are indeed savages. Let’s take it back to ’83, when cajun-creole fusion chef Paul Prudhomme popularized this dish at a food festival in Washington State. Good grief.

Lordamercy. What the heck kinda person wants to eat these three birds stitched together like this? NFL’s John Madden used to give these things out to every play on the winning team of the Thanksgiving bowl when he was announcing. I’m not even joking, either.

Enjoy your Turkey Day, and if you can find one, grab one of these  turduckens and let me know how it tastes. Also, warn your local hospital in advance, because the ‘itis from one of these bad boys is most likely the kind that’ll leave you bedridden.