note: Re-Up! Tryna get some new readers while appeasing the old ones with a throwback joint that people appreciated. Ha.

you know exactly who that girl above is. sure, you don’t know her by name or anything like that. but you know the role she plays. she’s one of the two dimes in the subway ride home. like, cheat-on-your-girl, must-have dimes. i’m talking like spend-your-entire-paycheck-on-a-date type dime. it may sound intense, but i’m just being real. i’m a man, so i know how men think. even if they aren’t all that, you gotta show them some love, because they’re just right there on the train, posted like a mailbox. and they are dying to get hit on. or so you think.

some people have the balls to approach these girls. i call them the hero. gutsy, risk-taking dudes. they have pick-up lines for days, and they can start conversations anywhere, anytime. they don’t even care if the woman has worked 10 crazy hours in the office, because they know that they can make it all better. they believe they can fly, like jordan, or a pre-pee-on-you kelz. i just can’t fade it. i feel like the last thing they want is me tryna put that metaphorical bug in their ear, spitting game on the train. and i think that’s what qualifies me as a certified shy guy.

tabi‘s fly, but i’m shy.

what is a shy guy!? i haven’t even come up with the true definition yet. i just know how they act. shy guys only thrive in environments where there’s little or no pressure. like house parties where you know everybody. or like a school dance, because everybody you dance with, you sat behind in math class or their mom used to pick you up from the carpool line from school. or you took the bus one and a half hours with them every day. like me. or maybe i’m totally wrong, but you know what i mean. no pressure environments, you thrive. because you don’t have to commit to anything, or be too decisive.

the subway definitely isn’t that spot. too many unfamiliar faces. if you want anything to happen on the subway, you’ve gotta put yourself out there like max did in a goofy movie. and if you don’t know what i’m talking about, then that should be number one on the netflix queue. conversation is one thing, but conversation with one of those two dimes on the train is a completely different thing. and that’s why shy guys typically don’t do good work on the subway. the club is even worse, and i need a completely different entry devoted to that sometime in the future.

i feel like all shy guys eventually transition into the hero. it happens, but there’s a right time and place, and all that good stuff. karma, or something like that. i tried it one day. NYC. subway. last year. she was bad, too. like michael’s 3rd album, for real. dominican and black, i think. kinda like homegirl in the picture, sans the turtle neck. in fact, she was extra fly. dressed like she just came from brunch with jay and beyonce. i hit her with my camera while it was dangling from my wrist, and she just smiled. and then i worked magic.

her number is still in the phone book. 917…blah blah blah. and i fumbled it. she just never got the crucial call/text, and i don’t even know why. who knows. that’s probably why i don’t sport the cape and mask just yet. but i’m ok with that. besides, i got like a million and one things going on in my life, like that old juvenile song. but a girl ain’t nothin.

sike.