Clearly, that’s me. not in 5th grade though. More like when i was a toddler. but that’s not the point.

The point is, puppy love is something serious. Around valentine’s day, I got an email from an old friend. Her name? Christina Vittas. She was my first official girlfriend from back in 5th grade, and the e-mail was titled “5th grade love letters”. I already knew what was inside.

First thing’s first. Jam this while you read.

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I need everybody to realize Tina was baaad. I was doing pretty big things with this fine young lady as my girl. I know this was 5th grade, but she was the baddest chick in the middle school. If anybody went to Sidwell for middle school (shout out to my Quaker school bredren across the globe), or matter fact, if you ever went to Sidwell, you knew how beautiful this girl was. This was before the secondary sex characteristics developed; a female’s body wasn’t even an afterthought for me, so her skinny self was perfect for me. Half korean, half greek. A smile that perfect, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear Crest and Colgate fighting over her for their latest ad campaign. Could solve some of the hardest math problems in her sleep. Very quiet and unassuming, but that was okay back then. I was a goofy looking kid (and arguably, still am), but I was funny enough to still get girls to engage in conversation and laugh a little bit. I don’t really remember how I pulled it off, but one day, after some recess and some note passing and whispering, I walked out of the building with tina as my boo slice.

Do you know how happy it was? I felt like Lupe Fiasco after he got the girl. I felt like NBC4 just reported a third straight consecutive snow day on Friday, and an unexpected 5-day weekend was created. I felt like a young Michael Jordan after winning his first championship, tears fist pumps and all. My problem was, I was the ultimate shy guy. You know how you can talk to people normally, but when it’s your crush that you have to speak to, you get as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!? Well, that’s how it was with me when I got around tina. Remember, this relationship was probably solidified over a few saltine crackers and a quick “do you like me?” poll scribbled on some notebook paper before break time. At this point, face-to-face time was almost scary. I preferred everything but that. So what did I do? Wrote tina some crucial love letters. 12 years later, and she still had these! She typed them up and threw them my way. Let’s read these joints, shall we? I’ll warn you now – these are copied verbatim, and I’ve done no altering to the letters themselves.

LOVE LETTER #1:

Dear Tina,
Waz’ up?  I just finished my piano lesson and I decided to write again.  So… I can’t do the movie thing this Friday, but maybe on the weekend.  Ask Genevieve and Daisy if they can come.  I’ll ask Andy and Andrew.  Do you think Ariana can come?  If she can go let me know.  Andy and I can do it on Saturday, but it has to be before 515-30, because we have a basketball game at 645 and we’ve got to get there early.  I want to know if we are going to sit next to the person we like.  Tell me tomorrow, okay?  Also, Andrew Wallace is daring me to ask you if you wanna go out alone.  I’m taking the dare, but I will only do it if you want to. I wanna know are you going to Genevieve’s party?  I am.  Do you know what we are going to do there?  Well, there’s nothing else to talk about so I guess I’ll talk to you later.  Well, see ya!
Sincerely,
Modi

Damn. I was a young Cassanova. A little nerdy, and super sprung, but that was okay. Besides, do you see how considerate I was? Only taking the dare if she was ready for it. You gotta admit, although my writing style wasn’t the smoothest, I was trying. And trying damn hard.

LOVE LETTER #2 (BIRTHDAY CARD, COMPLETE W/ AWESOME PICTURES):

front:
Dear Tina,
Since I’m not gonna be here for your real birthday, I decided to give you half of your birthday present.  I have more stuff to get for you, though.  So be prepared!  Here is your card, along with this gift certificate!  I hope you like it!

middle:
I’ll give you the other part of the present sometime.  Maybe we could go to the mall together.  Write me a letter back.  Please?  With 500,909,333 cherries on top?  Okay, see ya!
Modi
P.S. If you wanna know where I’m going, I’m going to Antigua.  It’s in the Caribbean.

back: (and TINA’s personal favorite, as noted in her e-mail):
Created just for you (and I mean JUST for you) by your boyfriend, Modele

Tina says: The gift certificate that accompanied Letter #2 has pictures from the computer of cartoon-ish dogs and then in the top center there is a heart and on each side of the heart there is a dog holding the number 10 (I guess it was my 10th birthday).  Then the certificate says:
A certificate for a “date” at Montgomery Mall with Modele, valid for the rest of 1998!  Can be used anytime!
(and then your signature at the bottom)

Please, hold your applause. I’d like to change my name to Rico Suave. I was so damn creative. How many 5th grades were so determined to make their girl happy, making birthday cards on the computer at age 10!? You bammas weren’t even on the internet around then. I was ahead of the curve.

LOVE LETTER #3 (VALENTINE’S DAY CARD THAT I MADE ON MY COMPUTER):

front: (where there is a picture of a guy with his arms spread wide open):
Tina, I know it’s not V-day yet, but I still have a card.  Why do I love (or should I say like) you?

middle:
I guess I just have a lot of patience and a good sense of humor.  Oh, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t draw this, it’s because I can’t draw well all the time.
Happy almost Valentine’s Day!

Such honesty at age 10? Stunning. Admitting their flaws like lack of artistic creativity so effortlessly? I was giving the girl love before Love Day even came around yet.

Funny thing is, a week after that, Tina broke up with me. I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt some ill vibes coming from her and her crew. Only way I knew how to deal with that was to chase her and her best friend, Haley, all the way down the stairs from the classrooms until we spilled out by the basketball courts. I was fast, and they didn’t want me to catch them, because I was a rough kid on the playground. Who knows what would have happened. Haley finally turned around, her chubby self huffing and puffing, out of breath. “Modi, she doesn’t like you anymore!” she screamed, with an evil, twisted grin on her face. “Don’t you get it?” It probably made her day saying that nine word combination. “Shucks,” I thought. All that time and effort into ol’ girl, and she had to get her henchwoman to shake me off!? I sulked all the way to the car, holding back tears.

Tina was the third girl I had ever really liked in my life. After reading these letters I wrote, it’s apparent that I would have given her the world if she wanted it. I guess she didn’t want it.