while talking to my homie spence on twitter, i developed a vicious theory: everybody who puts a tattoo on their head/facial area is, by some degree, certifiably insane. let me illustrate my theory with a few examples.

1. michael gerard tyson, b.k.a. “iron” mike tyson

in 2003, iron mike decided to get a facial tattoo. it’s not all his fault. his life story is full of devastation and despair. arrested 38 times by the age of 13. a father who abandoned the family when he was 2, and a mother who died when he was just a teen. he was a good kid who was just misunderstood. all he had was boxing, and when his career took off and the money started to roll in, that’s when things took a crazy turn for the worse. do some research, you’ll see what i mean. in spite of all this, mike’s actions speak much louder than any words i can ever write. so watch, and tell me if you think he’s insane or not.

2. d’wayne carter, b.k.a. lil wayne

i’m not sure he’s actually insane per se. truth be told, wayne is a G. how many rappers can sell 2 mill in a week, especially in a recession-filled economy where downloading music is the preferred method of copping albums? how many rappers can jump on any song, regardless of the genre? how many rappers can get away with piercing their eyebrows or lips? how many rappers can kiss another man, talk about it on a song and interviews, and lose no fans? exactly. so is he insane? i’m not sure. is everything that he does and gets away with as a rapper? definitely. oh, and how much do you think those joints on his eye lids hurt?

3. stephon marbury, b.k.a. starbury

stephon earned his nickname back in coney island, when he was a high school stand-out, expected to be one of the next great point guards in the NBA. his collegiate career only further supported this claim. and while his early career was promising, he never really flourished like everybody thought he would. and that’s cool, i’m not hating on him for that. it’s not like he wasn’t a beast, either. he just wasn’t a leader that could take his team places like everybody thought he was gonna do. he was also a headcase, fighting with pretty much everybody who ever coached him in the big league. then weird stuff started to happen. he was accused of sexual abuse with an intern from the new york knicks. later, we all found out that it was consensual. he also just stopped caring about basketball. in fact, the other day the knicks coach told stephon to stop coming to games altogether. he hasn’t suited up for the knicks since late november, and i’m pretty sure he’s not concerned. that’s where the insanity kicks in. he recently got his “starbury” logo (famous from his cheap affordable brand of sneakers, available at Payless and other bargain outlets) tattooed on the side of his head, as you can see in that picture. hot damn. i don’t think i explained his insanity well enough, so let this clip do that for you. it’s a must-watch.

highlights:

- :35. he makes zach randolph sound like the next michael jordan.

- 1:25. since when are dimes and assists different?

- 2:35. wait, so when is basketball all about the kids, steph?! wait til he gets to like 3:05, he actually sounds crazy. “i know!” WHAT!?

- 5:52. look how happy he looks. he’s almost uneasy. but he’s not sure what he’s really talking about. “it felt like heaven on earth.” oh boy.

- 7:04. this is the funniest part of the entire interview. by far. it starts after his tongue curves around his face, and goes on for the rest of the clip. i can’t even explain how ridiculous this is. if you have no time to watch any other part, watch this. you will cry laughing. oh my goodness.

so yes, he’s beyond insane. the head tattoo was just the official stamp to seal the deal.

4. jayceon terrell taylor, b.k.a. the game.

talk about bipolar. this guy’s probably the only person to apologize to all the people he’s ever beefed with, only to diss them again weeks later. he seems to struggle with making decisions. he’s a fickle guy. that’s probably why his tattoo went from a butterfly, symbolizing transition and change, to a LA dodgers logo, to some godforsaken reddish orange star that makes him look like he should be an extra in a las vegas cirque du soleil show.

what a clown. i still like his music, but he’s just too crazy for me. if emo rappers exist, jayceon is #1.

my theory proves correct so far. any supporters? any people who you feel are just itching to get a head/face tat?! let me know.