Filed under: tomfoolery
say what you want, but earl simmons, aka DMX, is the most hood guy out there. unfortunately for him, this title this comes at a pretty hefty price: he’s been arrested 6 times between the beginning of may and august 14th. each time for something ABSURD! read about them all.
snatched entirely from complex mag, since they beat me to making this post(!):
Date: May 6
Place: Scottsdale, AZ
Charge(s): Racing on a highway, reckless driving, two counts of endangerment, and three counts of criminal speed (114 in a 65 zone, holla at the Wachowski Brothers) and driving on a suspended license. Also known as “Family Night.”
Style Aesthetic: Danny Glover x Mercury Morris
Thought At Time: “Don’t these motherfuckers know I’m missing Dancing With the Stars?”
Date: May 9
Place: Maricopa County, Arizona
Charge(s): Seven counts of misdemeanor animal cruelty and four counts of felony drug possession.
Style Aesthetic: Zombie Golfer
Thought At Time: “Braaaaaaains!”
Date: June 23
Place: Miami
Charge(s): Not having a valid driver’s license
Style Aesthetic: South Beach dumpster-diver
Thought At Time: “Ay. Ay, potna. You gonna eat those chicharrones?”
Date: June 27
Place: Miami
Charge(s): Attempting to buy cocaine and marijuana (from an undercover cop!).
Style Aesthetic: Schizophrenic Grad Student
Thought At Time: “I have got to get the fuck out of Miami.”
Date: July 19
Place: Maricopa County, Arizona
Charge(s): One count of theft and one count of taking someone else’s identity—after visiting Scottsdale’s Mayo Clinic in April and saying his name was Troy Jones.
Style Aesthetic: Schizophrenic Grad Student (Clean-Shaven)
Thought At Time: “Who the fuck is DMX? I’m Gary Payton! Smell my finger–that’s LisaRaye!”
Date: August 14
Place: Miami
Charge(s): Failure to appear on drug charges (after finding him parked in a handicapped spot, the officer ran his ID and found a bench warrant that had been issued).
Aesthetic: Chippendale’s Auditioner
Thought At Time: “You like that, boy? You like that tantalizing hint of Darkman X taco meat?”
oh, and by the way, his crib in harlem just got repossessed. and was sold @ an astonishing $120,000. that’s so cheap, even i could afford that. X, you’re slippin’ son.
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my favorite is the one from june 27th. he still looks like he is tweeking.
Comment by lorenzo 08.16.08 @ 2:43 am
LOL june 23rd is the best. he’s sad, retrospective, and you can see tears came out of those eyes earlier that night.
Comment by modi 08.16.08 @ 3:51 am
wow.. i’m not even gonna hate.. that’s just self explanatory. All I wanna know is who the hell is DMX’s lawyer and how much does he charge per hour… lol
Comment by Deneen 08.18.08 @ 4:56 am
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